I woke up trying to solve my dating life.
Then I realise, I rather it be unsolved.
Unless swipes, meeting people that have nothing go on with their lives, meeting people that are unattractive, meeting people that are letting the app make decisions about their lifetime partner rather than intentionally looking for a partner that they actually want - just because "they think they are not good enough"
Am I making assumptions - yes. Could these statements also be true - yes
Many people have lost charge of their lives, they let the sole weight of societal, work and familial pressure consume them
They stop questioning, they let things just happen - just because
Just because the weight, the voices of the 3 pillars in their lives is so loud, they stopped thinking what they want for themselves, how they could've live their lives differently
They are so used to getting crushed, they think it is how it is.
Look, I'm not saying these people are at fault, I am also feeling the weight of all the pressure but the difference is being aware that there is weight from external factors, and trying your best to get out of it
Will I ever get out of it - No. Do I want to get out of it - I don't care. Will I be sad if I don't get out of it - No. Will I at least try - yes.
Societal pressure? Find out where this comes from, maybe its where you live, who you spend the most time with, think about when you talk to these people that you spend the most time with, are their words meaningful? do they mean what they are saying? do they even know what they are saying? or are they just trying to make sounds with their mouths?
Work pressure? This is probably the most difficult one I have dealt with - the truth is work is supposed to be stressful, you are paid to perform, you are paid to make decisions, you are paid to be responsible for the decisions you make, you are paid because you want to get paid
Now this is how I have learnt how to deal with it, I start paying attention to how I feel at work, every slack messages that I read, I pause, I scan through my body, I ask myself "how do you feel", let's say I'm feeling stressed, I ask myself "why is it stressful", let's say I'm feeling stressed because I am a perfectionist and everything about how this project going is imperfect, then I reassure myself - "its okay, life is imperfect by nature you need to let go and stop controlling the outcome of every single step how the project evolves"
I walk away from my desk after I ask myself all those questions, I go to the washroom, try to slow it down, check some whatsapp messages, go to the pantry, pick a snack, make a tea walk back to my desk and do something different.
Sometimes, if I use the washroom and pantry card for twice in a row. I usually need to to do something different.
The grocery downstairs my office The grocery outside my house The mall outside my house
I take walks, many walks oh and showers too.
If you bump into me on the streets, I may not have noticed you because I am constantly in my head, trying self regulate/take a break from my work before I get back to it.
Familial pressure - This took me a long time to figure out it was even a pressure in the first place. I believed every single thing my parents said for 30 years, until I stopped and asked - Why are they saying these things?
"Oh you should find a rich husband to marry so you can work less" "Oh you know, I have skin problem and discipline problem and memory problem, can you solve 3 at once for me? right now? in this single phone call? thanks this is why we are family, we help each other"
Familial pressure took the longest time for me to find out, but it took the shortest time for me to solve it - mute all communications from my parents.
Where was I.
Right, I'm trying to solve my dating life.
Am I giving up? Absolutely not, I am just trying to find something that I like doing and go from there, that requires me to tell myself my dating life will be unsolved but not unsolveable
Hanging out at coffee roastries far away from CBD
Going to a different gym on the weekends (* cough * * cough* everyone in my weekday gym is married)
Make new friends from different walks of lives - musicians, healthcare professionals, fashion
All of these activities take a loooong time, from my observations - at least 4 hours per activity, to create the best organic human iteractions.