3 years ago, I found out about Vipassana meditation through a previous boss of mine. I was fascinated and curious.
3 years later, I have gone through many changes in my life. I was forced to moved to different places every year in Singapore due to the unapologetic rent prices here, I tried digital nomading in multiple countries, almost moved to Berlin and somehow I keep ending back up in Singapore.
As my life stabilizes in Singapore, at this point of my life, I have been consistently trying to do and learn new things (especially hard ones) for the past year. They were: diving, learning how to make a game, streaming, doing leetcode, running, working out at least 3 times a week, bleaching my hair, sleeping on stranger's couches in different parts of SF, consistently meeting new people, learning how to be detached from the food I eat, where I live, what I wear, who I hang out with, what I do for work. My intention for all of this was to be more authentic, grounded and intentional.
I googled "Vipassana in Singapore" and Vipassan Meditation Centre appeared at the top of the list. I liked how simple the place looked so I decided to sign up for their retreat. The retreat is 13 days long, starts at 8am in the morning, doesn't restrict phone usage and I can go back home at night.
To simulate an actual Vipassana experience I observed on the original Dhamma website, I decided to not use my phone for the entire retreat. I uninstalled WhatsApp, Gmail, muted all communications at work, so I could fully immerse myself in the experience. I made sure I was in bed before 11pm so I was well rested enough to wake up sharp at 7am to get ready, shower and commute to the retreat location.
Every day we start at 8am with sitting meditation for an hour, followed by walking meditation for an hour. These meditations would alternate for the rest of the day until 7:30pm in the evening, with lunch at 11am and juices given at 5pm.
There were a few things that I was already good at that were helpful in getting used to sitting cross-legged for an hour. I have good body awareness. I know I am an anxious person. I have a good habit of paying attention to how my body feels because it used to help me heal from eczema.
During my first few days of sitting meditation I felt a lot of pain in my neck, shoulder, quads, hip flexors, hamstring, shins, feet, and lower back. I would try many different stretches after every sitting meditation, just to realize that I was back to square one every day.
I started breaking down each area of my pain and tackle them individually. First, I fixed my back pain. I noticed I was sitting too straight, so I found a posture where my back remained fairly straight but I was also arching my lower back a little bit. Then my quads, hip flexors and hamstring stopped hurting over the next few days. I realized it was just soreness from my leg day right before I started the retreat.
I was down to pain from my neck, shoulder and feet. If I were to describe how the pain felt on my neck and shoulder, it felt like when you have a wound and you pour water on it. My feet? They were numb and constantly cramping.
Whenever I would feel this pain, I would try to adjust my posture or crack my shoulder, just to discover that it only made the pain worse and my concentration worse. So I started sitting with the pain, observing my pain levels as they grew steadily. I compared this pain with the time when I had my wisdom tooth surgery and when the anesthesia wore off - I kept telling myself "only 5 more minutes you can do it." I would tear up because of the pain and end the sitting meditation mentally exhausted, because I needed to exert a lot of energy trying to bear with the pain.
While my mind was wandering I remembered that whenever I dive, I am always the person who ends up with the least oxygen left in my tank. My dive master would always point out that I should swim with more elegance and calm because it seems like I am always swimming frantically. I also realized it is probably the stillness of the meditation that my body and mind doesn't like.
On top of that, in one of the sitting meditations I thought my body was leaning forward too much because I was in so much pain. I opened my eyes and realized I was sitting up perfectly straight. Hmmm, could it be my mind is amplifying the pain I am actually feeling? Could it be because my eyes were closed I am more concentrated, hence the pain I feel is greater?
With all this knowledge, starting from day 6 onwards, I paid close attention. I accidentally slowed down my breath while doing it, trying to catch the first moment any tingling sensation of pain arises. Suddenly all the pain reduced drastically.
Since I unintentionally slowed down my breathing, I noticed my heartbeat and breathing would become faster when I start feeling any sort of pain. This explained why I felt physically exhausted the first few days - I was exerting too much energy from the rapid breathing.
Since the pain subsided, I was able to concentrate on the quality of noting. I started noting slower and clearer, calmer with more intention. Risingrisingrising fallingfallingfalling became rising.rising.rising. falling.falling.falling.
Later on, what followed was mainly anger. I slowly learnt how to catch the moment when any anger arises. I dismiss any thoughts that I don't want to deal with by redirecting my concentration back to noting. Sometimes I would let the thoughts play in my mind to take the chance to reflect on my year. Where am I? Am I still who I want to be? Am I happy in my current state?
What helped me get through the rest of the retreat was physical and mental endurance, and the belief that consistently putting my mind in difficult situations will help me become less of a slave to my mind.
The reward that came out of the retreat was I was able to build more trust with myself by proving to myself that I am capable of going through hardships. In return, the trust within myself has helped me better get through any procrastination, decision paralysis and rumination.
Would I recommend this meditation to anyone? Yes, but with the caveat that you know very clearly what your own intentions are and what you want to get out of it.
I am writing this on the first day post retreat. I feel quite normal other than the bass of my music sounds really good.
I would continue to meditate every day, just so that I can use the time to reflect on my day and process any emotions.
Happy new year 2026 :)